Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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