i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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