Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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