i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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