It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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