You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
