i permit you to call me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
