My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
