Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
