I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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