; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
