Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
