Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize