Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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