Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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