Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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