By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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