I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize