forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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