I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
