my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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