Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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