I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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