THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
