Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize