Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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