im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
