if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
