and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
