Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
