tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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