I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
