If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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