Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
