bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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