i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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