you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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