Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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