Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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