If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
