What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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