is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
