I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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