We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
