i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
