its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
