i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
