careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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