Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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