this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
