Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's never too late to be topless.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
