haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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