you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You took a bar mat shot.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
