are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
