So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
