i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
