I can text with my tongue
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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