Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
