I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
