jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
