So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
