what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
