Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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