I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
