I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize