lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
