I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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