I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
