She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
