Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
