i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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