I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
