Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
