...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
