I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
