im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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