i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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