dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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