here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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