My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
