my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize