Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had to cum in my sink.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
