In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone signed my nipple.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
