you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
