Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
