did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
