Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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