I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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