Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
