just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
