i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
