i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
