It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
