OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
